Three years ago today I had a baby boy that I thought I would trade for a girl in half a second if given the opportunity. He required tubes and wires covering his entire body to sustain his life and couldn’t breathe on his own. I was not allowed to touch him. My husband stood above his isolette in the NICU for four hours strait trying to keep him calm while he was on CPAP in hopes he wouldn’t need intubation if we were able to keep him from fighting the mask. I was not allowed in, “the shock” they said would be too much for me to handle. I was brought photos for inspiration to pump breast milk that I wasn’t sure my child would ever eat. Doctors carefully explained the unexplainable, Max had just stopped developing in utero, no reason, but his lungs were too small, he’d forget to breathe if distracted or in a deep sleep, he was small, his heart had a PDA, he wouldn’t hold his own body temperature at a normal level, he needed a feeding tube. No one had a date in mind when he’d be okay or even IF he would be, when he could nurse, when he could be held… just don’t expect too much, don’t ask too many questions and don’t make any plans.
Screw you. Screw your diagnosis. Screw this.
The Doctors painted a picture of this road, the road that Max would take. It would be long, hard, full of tears. Lower your expectations, take a step back and let it evolve and don’t push. Think of it as a slow walk, you’ll get there, maybe, but walking takes time. Max didn’t follow that plan. Max didn’t walk. Max grew wings. Max flew.
Today Max turned three. A boy who doctors frowned over and tried to “prepare” me to lose instead drinks life as if it is the air he breathes. He is passionate, daring, inquisitive, strong and determined. If Max doesn’t succeed at step one, he tries again, and again, and again. He never stops until he not only completes his task but excels and thrives at everything he does.
He is a child that has so many restrictions, from his diet to his activities, but he doesn’t recognize boundaries, he defies them. He is amazing, he never questions if he CAN do it, before he even tries something he knows he has succeeded. Its in the bag.
Happy Birthday to the boy I wouldn’t trade, can’t live without, and teaches me about what it means to be alive every day. I love you Max.
Justin
June 9, 2010 at 6:17 pm
HEY! it’s Justin, Beth’s man. Just wanted to let you know that you’re writing is amazing. I write too and know talent when I see it! Also, “GO MAX, GO MAX GO!” I’m so proud of him from all you write and all of Beth’s stories. He seems to soar! Talk to you sooner than later I hope.